she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
