Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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