so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just had sex on a roof
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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