Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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