I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
