before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
