Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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