I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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