glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Use "feeling words"
Yay
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
