i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Swine flu is the new snow day.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
