Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
