It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
