I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
