WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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