Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
