good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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