my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
