so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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