now i know why i became what i already was.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
