I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize