I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
