my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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