you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Randomize
