You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
