I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
there was a trapeze. enough said
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
