you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
