go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
