community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize