She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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