Sry I called you an 8
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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