The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
