bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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