He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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