I showed him my bush... on skype.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
