I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
