Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
