dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
