Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
