well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
