i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
