I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
