our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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