shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
