What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Walk of Shame today included voting.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize