Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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