I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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