I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
