I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
