I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
