I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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