Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
