im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
