Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
