u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
