you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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