she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You've changed since you got that strap on
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
