remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
