I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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