also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
