This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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