I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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