update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
