Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
