Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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