please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
