I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
