is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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