i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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