in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
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