my mouth tastes like poor choices
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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