My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
