Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
People in love make me want to vomit
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
