Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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