girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize