Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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