home. puking in laundry basket.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
