the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
