a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
