a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize