i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
