Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
