your parents love me but you hate me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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