Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
