i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
