you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
