i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
