So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
