well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
