Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
