we have pet lesbian snakes
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I checked into jail on foursquare
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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